May 1, 2014
I have been guided once again to work on my guided journal that I have wanted to publish. The thoughts have been in my head for a few years…and well it is really about time I put it officially out there. It is one of those artistic creations that look a specific way in my head and well as I put it to paper it’s looking slightly different. I guess that is where the message to remove expectations so we can receive better than we imagined comes in.
I am putting it out here for some accountability I guess. I needed to really own it and speak to it in order to bring life to it.
I am headed to New Mexico for a retreat/road trip with my husband. Really looking forward to our get a way. We are staying at a place called Ojo Caliente which I have heard many great things about. Plans are to spend the day hiking and the evenings in the mineral pools….ahhhh…
There is something about New Mexico…it seems to invoke a little magic within me. We took a trip to Taos a few years back and I still find myself floating off to the BB we stayed at. It was simply beautiful and oh so relaxing.
I am hoping to capture some beautiful pictures to use in my blogs and journal as well as be filled with amazing insight and inspiration.
Well, I wrote the above before I left for New Mexico. I had every intention to post it and actually do some writing while I was there. Things didn’t seem to happen the way I expected them too. Isn’t that the way things actually go…not as planned?
Below are some pictures that I took while there. I hope you enjoy.
The Spa is an amazing place. It delivered what the website promises. Relaxation, with as much adventure or soaking as you so desire. We hiked, soaked, explored and soaked some more.
Even surrounded by such a zen environment, I still found it slightly hard to really meditate and shut off the inner worry and chatter that played out in my head. This inner chatter and worry was quite dulled than in the past, but was still there. It’s funny how we continue to learn things about ourselves given the situations we are in.
One of my many lessons during this week of relaxation was that no matter how hard I try to break the habit, I seem to naturally fall into it in times of the unknown. Just what do I mean? Well… I had been looking forward to coming to Ojo for years! I had built up this amazing experience of relaxation…and meditation…coming into my light and all my gifts. Once there I realized that it really does not matter where you are…our inner thoughts can ruin just about any space.
We need to learn to be mindful about what we say within our head and what we let ramble around in our thoughts. I learned a great deal about acceptance of myself. I was presented with a version of myself that I had thought I let go of. That version that judged herself, that person that wasn’t able to let go. I caught myself reacting to my environment based off of what I thought was expected of me…or how I thought I should act, or how my husband felt.
By doing those things I failed to really own and allow my feelings, emotions or reactions to surface. This really became evident to me half way into our first day there. I realized I was becoming annoying…asking my husband over and over if he was alright…did he like it…was everything ok? I apologized when the wifi didn’t work (like it was my fault?) I became overly catering and annoyed him as well as myself.
When we overly accommodate someone we really are doing no one any favors. It is almost as if we are saying to the other person as well as ourselves that our discomfort or whatever emotion we are feeling is not a valid reaction and we should change it.
Why, do we do this? Many of the traits I carry is that of a enabler, with a slight don’t rock the boat mentality or as a martyr, which no one like to think of themselves as. I thought I had moved passed this but a piece of it had still remained that needed to be addressed. The purpose of this piece was to remind me that we all have the right to be unhappy or upset with something or disappointed in someone or something. We need to allow ourselves and others the ability to process and acknowledge what we feel. It helps us to better define who we actually are verses who we think we are supposed to be, according to others.
This was a beautiful reminder during this intense cycle of time to be aware of the things that we “thought” we let go of that really were not completely let go of, or that we chose to ignore.
As for my vacation/retreat…once I removed all my personal expectations of the Zen-ness I was “supposed” to be experiencing…AND…stopped hounding my husband about how he felt and what he wanted to do…I was able to REALLY…REALLY…immerse myself in the experience that was meant for me.
Learn from me…when we remove the expectation of all that we think we should be or should be experiencing…it is then that we truly begin to experience our own experience.
Thank you for following me on this journey. I hope my stories and my personal lessons help you accept your own experiences for what they are. Your own.
p.s. Check out Ojo Caliente if you get the opportunity, the waters are truly amazing.