Don’t look at it as forgiveness… look at it as acceptance
March 7, 2013
Someone recently asked me a question about forgiveness. To explain it, and talk about how we forgive. It really got my mind thinking about forgiveness…what is it. Is the act of forgiveness really taking place if while the words are echoing within you, your heart is screaming to be heard?
Is forgiveness really that of a spiritual nature or the ego? Think about it…
If it is truly coming from the heart…. I think…. it can be…but then why would we be needing to forgive, wouldn’t we just be accepting? Accepting the person or the behavior. Isn’t forgiving them just another means to state that they aren’t good enough or didn’t live up to your expectations or standards?
Granted there so many different times when forgiveness is being used so it can sometimes seem difficult to have a vague discussion about it… AND again I state that if we are truly forgiving someone for something it must be from our hearts to make it really valid.
Look at it from the side of receiving forgiveness… isn’t this too an ego booster. Doesn’t being forgiven for whatever it is we did “wrong” make us feel better about ourselves, relieved?
Let’s look at a pretty simple generic example: If someone were to say “I am really sorry I lied, I did not mean to hurt you like this”. If the apology is sincere, heartfelt and the person is honestly regretful for the act, and you honestly believe them and forgive them, then all is good in this situation. Forgiveness makes sense. The act is still somewhat ego based though (don’t you think?) since both sides feel better because one has been forgiven (exonerated in a way) and the other has had the power to forgive.When in truth the basis for forgiveness (I think in its original form or intention) was intended to be an acceptance of what happened with an acknowledgement of each others part in the pain.
Maybe we should be looking at our intentions behind forgiveness. Are you forgiving for the power of forgiveness or are you being forgiving because of understanding the situation or the person? I think the key is removing judgement, and being true and honest when you forgive. Saying the words I forgive you or I forgive___ can be really empty. The words need to have heart and feeling behind them to mean anything.
Overall acceptance and understanding need to have a play in forgiveness. No one is perfect and no one should ever feel like they HAVE to forgive someone…defeats the purpose of forgiving. We need to be in alignment with our whole self to truly forgive.
That brings me to another point that comes up with forgiveness… With big issues in life we are often told that we will never forget, but we can forgive. This statement is really a tough one. I think that no one should feel that they have to forgive… I think that the word “forgive” should be replaced with “Let go”. We may never forget, but we can let go. I like how that sounds much better. So often the big issues we hold on to where we are told to forgive, are the hardest ones… we hold on to them with such rigor… such hate… that forgiving is next to impossible. What we need to do is let go of it. Release it. Stop allowing it to take so much of our energy. The longer we hold on the weaker we become, our energy drains from us… because we are holding on to the issue/situation so tightly. All of our reserves go to holding on to the anger or hatred we feel, we are so often afraid that if we forgive it makes it ok…. Many times it is was not ok. Forgiveness in violent situations is a big thing to ask. Shouldn’t necessarily be asked. We should be focusing on letting it go. This is not validating the person or experience… it is, not letting the person or experience take anymore of our time or energy. It is freeing yourself to take care of yourself, to focus on love. Love of self not hate and anger.
Ultimately we create more of what we focus on, why spend time on hate and anger when you can focus on love of self (first) and others. Love creates Love… Anger creates Anger….Hate creates Hate.
You say you can’t find anything to focus your love on? Start with yourself… Look deep… Look around you, at the sky… Love is all around us.
Go create more love!