October 11, 2012
This date feels really important to me.
Like a stepping stone…to something bigger. Awareness.
My equilibrium is a tad off today, started last night actually. I am feeling a little out of balance.
Maybe I am not “unbalanced” but what is happening is my balance is recalibrating.
All summer I felt that October was going to be a big month. I feel like I am going through an attunement of sorts. I have been spending a lot of time in my head. As my clarity changes so does my perspective. I have talked so much about the chakras lately, but they are so important!
I am personally finding it very hard to continue to live in duality. My esoteric body and mental body keep me in constant debates within myself. The more I struggle with this the more I realize that maybe that is the result of balance. Maybe…just maybe when you live 50/50 you remain slightly unattached to either side? Is balance what we should be seeking? If not balance what? Living on a line is hard. Seeing both sides causes one to not always react appropriately. Sometimes when you can see the end at the beginning do you forget to enjoy the middle?
This is where I am right now, in contemplation. The other side of it is when you have lived shut off from the whole of all your emotions (you know, kept them tucked safely away for protection) when they start to surface do you recognize them? How does it feel to actually feel everything and not just what you allow in? How do you find balance of the emotions like you do of the mind? When the dam breaks and the emotions break free do you let them run where they may? If so are you washed away with them or do you create your own stream?
My thoughts on this is when your ready to break down the dam, you need to be ready to trust the path that it settles into. I am working on accepting the strength in the stream over the strength of the dam. They both are strong and mighty. One is just much more truer than the other. And in the end truth will endure any structure placed solely to contain emotion.
My fear is what if breaking the dam breaks me. Just admitting that, typing it, lets my soul know that I am that much closer to creating my true stream. Even though just the thought of releasing that dam tightens my chest and brings to surface such internal fear it also makes my heart smile knowing and feeling the love and joy it also evokes. I am on my way. Word by word. Step by step, we all are.
October is about contemplation, looking within and accepting and planning our new futures.
Enjoy the process.