I thought I would share a little bit of what brought me to where I am today.
I think I have always felt…different…older than what I was…younger than I am. I know it sounds like a really weird duality…but it really does explain the pull I have always felt.
Like I always had a purpose. Now…it is not like I woke up one day and said wow…I am clairvoyant. No…let’s see how I can describe this…. There would be times of clarity…times of knowing…flashes of information. Answers would just come to me. I would become aware of my voice and listen as I spoke wondering…how did I know that? And in the same flash the clarity would be gone. It confused me. My mind would feel like Swiss cheese at times…and at others it would feel overflowing with information. As a young child…I remember playing all alone…completely content…talking to myself. I don’t remember ever having a “imaginary” friend…but I also remember talking to everything and everyone. And… It didn’t seem weird.
I chuckle even as I write thinking of what I put the poor paster through at the church I went to as a young child. I remember following him around…asking question after question…for every answer he would give me I would ponder his response…and reply with a very sincere…why. I don’t think I have ever felt comfortable with the box version of religion, even as a kid I wanted to know more. I stuck it out for many years even taught Sunday school…but…I would get so frustrated with the fear that was always imposed or underlying. I always felt that I had been there. Again the feeling of knowing.
Jumping ahead in my teenage years I connected so strongly to a friend that we could read each others minds…I recall being tested at multiple parties (they would have one of us in one room and the other in another) it was all fun and we really didn’t think much of it. Other than being really connected of course. I had my bouts of seeing ghosts… But one experience that left the largest impact was riding my bike by a cemetery and needing to turn around and flee. My friend and I were riding by the cemetery (one I had been by many times before) and feeling this intense energy and noise in my head. It literally felt like I was standing in a crowd and everyone was shouting and talking at the same time. I put my hands over my ears and the noise would not go away… This experience left a lasting impression on me. To this day when I think of it…my ears fill with pressure. Looking back, I don’t think this was negative energy really. I think it was energy waiting to be heard. Spirits putting put a sort of SOS call… Looking to connect to someone on this side that could hear them…that maybe could…help them. I still feel bad that I was so frightened. I think that because of this experience I shut done my clairaudience / medium ability for quite some time… I am happy to say that i feel it is reopening.
All these little experiences are like little portals. Recognized, we know them for what they are and look for them, use them and return to them, welcome them. Unrecognized they become coincidences, weird, strange things that happen…they become unrecognizable,unappreciated and eventually smaller in size and experience.
I welcome these experiences… I want to learn from these experiences….I am thankful for these reminds at who I am…who I am striving to become. They remind me not only of the path I carefully created but the fact that no matter what direction I am going, I will reach my destination. The direction/s I choose to take only determine the experiences I will gather along the way. Each one teaching me a lesson along the way. It is just my job to see the lessons. I understand that some are easy to see, easy to have, others…not so much. Others may take time…repetition before I can see it unfold…and understand. Many will hurt. Many will not.